Cash or Card?
by Irhaboggle
Summary: Kara, Lena, Alex, Maggie, Nia and Sam are about to have a Ladies' Night, but first, they're paying for a few things at the store. After Kara accidently makes one gay joke, the other five oblige to make a million more and poor Kara doesn't understand any of it. (Just a bunch of queer jokes brought to you by some queer SG characters. Plotless humor).


"Will that be all for you today?" the cashier asked the large party of buyers that had stopped in the store that late night. This large party consisted of Kara, Alex, Lena, Maggie, Sam and Nia. All of them were planning on having a massive Ladies' Night, but first...

"Yes it will be, thanks," Lena was the one to answer, but then she turned to Kara before gesturing to the cashier. "I believe you said you were paying?" and Kara pretended to grumble before fishing through her pocket to find her wallet.

"Cash or card?" the cashier asked.

"Cash," Kara replied, finally opening up her wallet, then her face fell. "Oh, I only have $20..." that wasn't going to even cover half of what the large group had purchased. "Guess I'll just use card instead," she was unbothered by this change in plans, but behind her, Alex and Maggie had since started snickering between themselves.

"What's so funny?" Kara asked in confusion, hearing their sudden onset of laughter and being puzzled by it.

"$20," Alex replied, then both she and Maggie began to snort again, but when no one else even smiled, Maggie decided to explain.

"I mean, hey, it's better than a three-dollar bill," she said, and then Nia, Sam and Lena began to laugh as well as the joke finally sank in. Alex and Maggie had been referring to the old saying: "I'm not gay, but $20 is $20!". It was one that was relatively obscure, but still registered with Lena, Sam and Nia. Kara, however, was still confused. Embarrassed that she was the only one not getting the joke, and worried that it might be because she was an alien (which was her way of saying that she still didn't understand every single nuance of human humor), she made sure to eye Alex specifically, silently asking what was so funny about $20. Not wanting to spoil the joke that Kara clearly wasn't getting, Alex only shook her head teasingly as she and the others continued to laugh at Clueless Kara.

"Just give him your card, Kara," Lena patted Kara's back, still sniggering. Still perplexed and annoyed, Kara looked as if she was going to protest, but then she decided against it and instead turned back to the cashier again.

"Sorry about that, sir," she told him as she gave him her card.

"Swipe or insert," he replied calmly, pointing to the small machine in front of Kara. Another onset of laughter began.

"Insert, of course! Always insert!" Kara heard Lena snicker under her breath to the others. Because she was faced away from the group, however, she missed Maggie's nod of agreement as she pointed her first two fingers upward and moved her hand up and down.

"No! Swipe!" Sam insisted with a soft laugh. She spread her first two fingers apart, creating a 'V' shape, and then she pretended to swipe her tongue up and down the length of the shape. Alex burst out laughing and Kara finally whipped around.

"What is so funny?!" she demanded, but once again, no one would tell her.

"We'll tell you when you're older!" Sam teased, matronly voice coming out in spades. Kara pouted.

"What? No fair! It sounds like Nia is in on the joke and she's younger than I am!" she reminded the group.

"Physically, maybe," Nia teased Kara with a cheerful little grin. A knowing spark was in her eyes and Kara's pout deepened.

"Well now, you can't seriously expect anyone to treat you like an adult when you pout like you're five!" Lena grinned, elbowing Kara.

"Five... inches taller," Kara shot back, knowing that Lena found it somewhat embarrassing that she was shorter than Kara by a noticeable amount. Off to the side, Maggie and Alex had snorted again in amusement.

"Oooh, ouch!" Nia pretended to clutch her chest while Lena frowned at Kara, eyebrow crinkling. For just a second, Kara became genuinely concerned that she might've actually offended Lena, but before she could apologize, Lena began to laugh.

"I can't believe you fell for that!" she crowed. She had seen the way Kara's eyes had changed, and she knew that it meant Kara had been about to apologize. Well, that expression had since gone out the window, and the affronted look had returned full-force at being duped twice over.

"Whatever," Kara muttered, turning angrily back towards the little machine the cashier had asked her to insert or swipe with.

On the first try, Kara's card was denied.

"How queer," Nia remarked in mock surprise and confusion as Kara's card was denied. Everyone, minus Kara, laughed.

"Try using your V-Card!" Sam whisper-yelled to the frustrated blond.

"She can't, I already took it!" Lena whisper-yelled back.

"Wait, what?!" Alex interrupted.

"She said with surprise in her voice for some reason?" Lena asked back with a smirk. Alex looked somewhat repulsed.

"Come on, babe, it's not like Kara doesn't know that we-" Maggie began.

"But still!" Alex interrupted before Maggie could finish her statement. Nia, Sam, Maggie and Lena only shook their heads in amusement as Alex continued to blanch at the idea of Kara doing... things...

At last, the machine finally accepted Kara's card.

"Trans-action complete," Nia whispered and Sam, who stood right beside her, elbowed her and laughed.

"Did you want your receipt, ma'am?" the cashier asked once he finished ringing everything up for Kara.

"No thanks," Kara replied, still clearly put off by all of these inside jokes that she was missing.

"Well, have a good night, then," the cashier replied.

"Thanks," Kara nodded at him before quickly collecting all of her and her friends' goodies before gesturing for them to go, frowning as she realized that they were all still laughing at her. The moment Kara had turned her back to the cashier, however, he quickly signaled to all of Kara's laughing friends and pulled a pride flag from under his desk at the register. He gave them a knowing thumbs up and they all grinned in delight back at him.

Poor Kara didn't even notice. Instead, she was still grumbling to herself as she headed back out to the car, carrying all 20 bags of stuff in one hand. This left her human companions to trail after her in amusement.

"I can't believe you fell in love with such a dork!" Alex remarked.

"I can't either," Lena replied with a fond smile, then she and the others hopped into the car and rolled out.

**AN: For the sake of the fact that this fic is nothing but gay jokes (none of which Kara get), I included some of the more popular queer characters of the show (yes, we're counting Lena, Sam and Kara). What's more, this is slightly AU in the idea that Alex and Maggie are still a couple, and I threw Sam in there since she's often paired with Lena or Alex, or sometimes Kara. You can pick who she's "with" in this fic (whether or not she's in a polyamorous relationship with Alex and Maggie, or Kara and Lena). Then, there's adorable Nia!**

**Quick update: Some readers were confused about the "$20" joke (and I am so glad you all pointed it out, thank you!) so I made a quick edit it-story to explain. In short, there's an old phrase that says "I'm not gay, but $20 is $20!" **

**Sorry for the confusion! Thanks for pointing it out to me! I'll try to be clearer next time!**

**(From what I've seen, the phrase used to be akin to, "I'm not gay, but if you're willing to pay me for sex, I'll do it anyway". It was a no-homo, prostitute-type joke, but it has shifted over time to mean, "Yeah, I'm totally not gay, but $20 is $20" which pretty much means, "Actually, yes, I'm totally gay, and if you mind, you'll have to get over it because that's not going to change!" I just remember seeing it on a pride shirt somewhere and I decided to throw it in here).**


End file.
